Chapter 36
HERBERT and I went on from bad to worse, in the way of in-
creasing our debts, looking into our affairs, leaving Margins, and
the like exemplary transactions; and Time went on, whether or no,
as he has a way of doing; and I came of age -- in fulfilment of
Herbert's prediction, that I should do so before I knew where
I was.
Herbert himself had come of age, eight months before me. As he
had nothing else than his majority to come into, the event did not
make a profound sensation in Barnard's Inn. But we had looked
forward to my one-and-twentieth birthday, with a crowd of
speculations and anticipations, for we had both considered that
my guardian could hardly help saying something definite on that
occasion.
I had taken care to have it well understood in Little Britain,
when my birthday was. On the day before it, I received an official
note from Wemmick, informing me that Mr Jaggers would be glad
if I would call upon him at five in the afternoon of the auspicious
day. This convinced us that something great was to happen, and
threw me into an unusual flutter when I repaired to my guardian's
office, a model of punctuality.
ln the outer office Wemmick offered me his congratulations, and
incidentally rubbed the side of his nose with a folded piece of tissue-
paper that I liked the look of. But he said nothing respecting it,
and motioned me with a nod into my guardian's room. It was
November, and my guardian was standing before his fire leaning
his back against the chimney-piece, with his hands under his coat-
tails.
`Well, Pip,' said he, `I must call you Mr Pip to-day. Congratula-
tions, Mr Pip.'
We shook hands -- he was always a remarkably short shaker --
and I thanked him.
`Take a chair, Mr Pip,' said my guardian.
As I sat down, and he preserved his attitude and bent his brows
at his boots, I felt at a disadvantage, which reminded me of that
old time when I had been put upon a tombstone. The two ghastly
casts on the shelf were not far from him, and their expression
was as if they were making a stupid apoplectic attempt to attend
to the conversation.
`Now my young friend,' my guardian began, as if I were a
witness in the box, `I am going to have a word or two with you.'
`If you please, sir.'
`What do you suppose,' said Mr Jaggers, bending forward to
look at the ground, and then throwing his head back to look at the
ceiling, `what do you suppose you are living at the rate of?'
`At the rate of, sir?'
`At ' repeated Mr Jaggers, still looking at the ceiling, `the -- rate --
of?' And then looked all round the room, and paused with his
pocket-handkerchief in his hand, half way to his nose.
I had looked into my affairs so often, that I had thoroughly
destroyed any slight notion I might ever have had of their bearings.
Reluctantly, I confessed myself quite unable to answer the question.
This reply seemed agreeable to Mr Jaggers, who said, `I thought
so!' and blew his nose with an air of satisfaction.
`Now, I have asked you a question, my friend,' said Mr Jaggers.
`Have you anything to ask me?'
`Of course it would be a great relief to me to ask you several
questions, sir; but I remember your prohibition.'
`Ask one,' said Mr Jaggers.
`Is my benefactor to be made known to me to-day?'
`No. Ask another.'
`Is that confidence to be imparted to me soon?'
`Waive that, a moment,' said Mr Jaggers, `and ask another.'
I looked about me, but there appeared to be now no possible
escape from the inquiry, `Have -- I -- anything to receive, sir ?'
On that, Mr Jaggers said, triumphantly, `I thought we should
come to it!' and called to Wemmick to give him that piece of paper.
Wemmick appeared, handed it in, and disappeared.
`Now, Mr Pip,' said Mr Jaggers, `attend, if you please. You have
been drawing pretty freely here; your name occurs pretty often
in Wemmick's cash-book; but you are in debt, of course?'
`I am afraid I must say yes, sir.'
`You know you must say yes; don't you?' said Mr Jaggers.
`Yes, sir.'
`I don't ask you what you owe, because you don't know; and if
you did know, you wouldn't tell me; you would say less. Yes, yes,
my friend,' cried Mr Jaggers, waving his forefinger to stop me,
as I made a show of protesting: `it's likely enough that you think
you wouldn't, but you would. You'll excuse me, but I know better
than you. Now, take this piece of paper in your hand. You have
got it? Very good. Now, unfold it and tell me what it is.'
`This is a bank-note,' said I, `for five hundred pounds.'
`That is a bank-note,' repeated Mr Jaggers, `for five hundred
pounds. And a very handsome sum of money too, I think. You
consider it so?
`How could I do otherwise!'
`Ah! But answer the question,' said Mr Jaggers.
`Undoubtedly.'
`You consider it, undoubtedly, a handsome sum of money.
Now, that handsome sum of money, Pip, is your own. It is a
present to you on this day, in earnest of your expectations. And
at the rate of that handsome sum of money per annum, and at no
higher rate, you are to live until the donor of the whole appears.
That is to say, you will now take your money affairs entirely
into your own hands, and you will draw from Wemmick one
hundred and twenty-five pounds per quarter, until you are in
communication with the fountain-head, and no longer with the
mere agent. As I have told you before, I am the mere agent. I
execute my instructions, and I am paid for doing so. I think them
injudicious, but I am not paid for giving any opinion on their
merits.
I was beginning to express my gratitude to my benefactor for
the great liberality with which I was treated, when Mr Jaggers
stopped me. `I am not paid; Pip,' said he, coolly, `to carry your
words to any one;' and then gathered up his coat-tails, as he had
gathered up the subject, and stood frowning at his boots as if he
suspected them of designs against him.
After a pause, I hinted:
`There was a question just now, Mr Jaggers, which you desired
me to waive for a moment. I hope I am doing nothing wrong in
asking it again ?'
`What is it?' said he.
I might have known that he would never help me out; but it
took me aback to have to shape the question afresh, as if it were
quite new. `Is it likely,' I said, after hesitating, `that my patron,
the fountain-head you have spoken of, Mr Jaggers, will soon --'
there I delicately stopped.
`Will soon what?' asked Mr Jaggers. `That's no question as it
stands, you know.'
`Will soon come to London,' said I, after casting about for a
precise form of words, `or summon me anywhere else?'
`Now here,' replied Mr Jaggers, fixing me for the first time with
his dark deep-set eyes, `we must revert to the evening when we
first encountered one another in your village. What did I tell you
then, Pip ?'
`You told me, Mr Jaggers, that it might be years hence when
that person appeared.'
`Just so,' said Mr Jaggers; `that's my answer.'
As we looked full at one another, I felt my breath come quicker
in my strong desire to get something out of him. And as I felt
that it came quicker, and as I felt that he saw that it came quicker,
I felt that I had less chance than ever of getting anything out of
him.
`Do you suppose it will still be years hence, Mr Jaggers?'
Mr Jaggers shook his head -- not in negativing the question, but
in altogether negativing the notion that he could anyhow be got
to answer it -- and the two horrible casts of the twitched faces
looked, when my eyes strayed up to them, as if they had come to a
crisis in their suspended attention, and were going to sneeze.
`Come!' said Mr Jaggers, warming the backs of his legs with
the backs of his warmed hands, `I'll be plain with you, my friend
Pip. That's a question I must not be asked. You'll understand that,
better, when I tell you it's a question that might compromise me.
Come! I'll go a little further with you; I'll say something more.'
He bent down so low to frown at his boots, that he was able to
rub the calves of his legs in the pause he made.
`When that person discloses,' said Mr Jaggers, straightening
himself, `you and that person will settle your own affairs. When
that person discloses, my part in this business will cease and
determine. When that person discloses, it will not be necessary for
me to know anything about it. And that's all I have got to say.'
We looked at one another until I withdrew my eyes, and looked
thoughtfully at the floor. From this last speech I derived the notion
that Miss Havisham, for some reason or no reason, had not taken
him into her confidence as to her designing me for Estella; that he
resented this, and felt a jealousy about it; or that he really did
object to that scheme, and would have nothing to do with it. Men
I raised my eyes again, I found that he had been shrewdly looking
at me all the time, and was doing so still.
`If that is all you have to say, sir,' I remarked, `there can be
nothing left for me to say.'
He nodded assent, and pulled out his thief-dreaded watch,
and asked me where I was going to dine? I replied at my own
chambers, with Herbert. As a necessary sequence, I asked him if he
would favour us with his company, and he promptly accepted the
invitation. But he insisted on walking home with me, in order that I
might make no extra preparation for him, and first he had a letter or
two to write, and (of course) had his hands to wash. So, I said I
would go into the outer office and talk to Wemmick.
The fact was, that when the five hundred pounds had come into
my pocket, a thought had come into my head which had been often
there before; and it appeared to me that Wemmick was a good
person to advise with, concerning such thought.
He had already locked up his safe, and made preparations for
going home. He had left his desk, brought out his two greasy office
candlesticks and stood them in line with the snuffers on a alab
near the door, ready to be extinguished; he had raked his fire low,
put his hat and great-coat ready, and was beating himself all over
the chest with his safe-key, as an athletic exercise after business.
`Mr Wemmick,' said I, `I want to ask your opinion. I am very
desirous to serve a friend.'
Wemmick tightened his post-office and shook his head, as if his
opinion were dead against any fatal weakness of that sort.
`This friend,' I pursued, `is trying to get on in commercial
life, but has no money, and finds it difficult and disheartening
to make a beginning. Now, I want somehow to help him to a
beginning.'
`With money down?' said Wemmick, in a tone drier than any
sawdust.
`With some money down,' I replied, for an uneasy remembrance
shot across me of that symmetrical bundle of papers at home; `with
some money down, and perhaps some anticipation of my expecta-
tions.'
`Mr Pip,' said Wemmick, `I should like just to run over with
you on my fingers, if you please, the names of the various bridges
up as high as Chelsea Reach. Let's see; there's London, one;
Southwark, two; Blackfriars, three; Waterloo, four; Westminster,
five; Vauxhall, six.' He had checked off each bridge in its turn,
with the handle of his safe-key on the palm of his hand. `There's as
many as six, you see, to choose from.'
`I don't understand you,' said I.
`Choose your bridge, Mr Pip,' returned Wemmick, `and take a
walk upon your bridge, and pitch your money into the Thames
over the centre arch of your bridge, and you know the end of it.
Serve a friend with it, and you may know the end of it too -- but it's
a less pleasant and profitable end.'
I could have posted a newspaper in his mouth, he made it so wide
after saying this.
`This is very discouraging,' said I.
`Meant to be so,' said Wemmick.
`Then is it your opinion,' I inquired, with some little indigna-
tion, `that a man should never --'
`-- Invest portable property in a friend?' said Wemmick. `Cer-
tainly he should not. Unless he wants to get rid of the friend -- and
then it becomes a question how much portable property it may be
worth to get rid of him.'
`And that,' said I, `is your deliberate opinion, Mr Wemmick?'
`That,' he returned, `is my deliberate opinion in this office.'
`Ah!' said I, pressing him, for I thought I saw him near a
loophole here; `but would that be your opinion at Walworth?'
`Mr Pip,' he replied, with gravity, `Walworth is one place, and
this office is another. Much as the Aged is one person, and Mr
Jaggers is another. They must not be confounded together. My
Walworth sentiments must be taken at Walworth; none but my
official sentiments can be taken in this office.'
`Very well,' said I, much relieved, `then I shall look you up at
Walworth, you may depend upon it.'
`Mr Pip,' he returned, `you will be welcome there, in a private
and personal capacity.'
We had held this conversation in a low voice, well knowing my
guardian's ears to be the sharpest of the sharp. As he now appeared
in his doorway, towelling his hands, Wemmick got on his great-
coat and stood by to snuff out the candles. We all three went into
the street together, and from the door-step Wemmick turned his
way, and Mr Jaggers and I turned ours.
I could not help wishing more than once that evening, that Mr
Jaggers had had an Aged in Gerrard-street, or a Stinger, or a
Something, or a Somebody, to unbend his brows a little. It was an
uncomfortable consideration on a twenty-first birthday, that
coming of age at all seemed hardly worth while in such a guarded
and suspicious world as he made of it. He was a thousand times
better informed and cleverer than Wemmick, and yet I would a
thousand times rather have had Wemmick to dinner. And Mr
Jaggers made not me alone intensely melancholy, because, after he
was gone, Herbert said of himself, with his eyes fixed on the fire,
that he thought he must have committed a felony and forgotten the
details of it, he felt so dejected and guilty.
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